thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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