the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
