At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
