My room smells like vodka and shame
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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