I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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