She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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