he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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