I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
