i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
