god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
