3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
