Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
