I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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