Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
