I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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