is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
