woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
