My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
