i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
