doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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