Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
