We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
