I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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