Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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