I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
