listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
