my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
