We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
