First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
