Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
