The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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