Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
