Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
