You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
