but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
