He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
