I cut my penus on the lid.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
