I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
