# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
