why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
