Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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