He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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