You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize