$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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