bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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