girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
