vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
