I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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