oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
