I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
