I didn't shave. On purpose
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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