I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
