Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
