Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
