We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Houston, we have a squirter
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
