I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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