What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
