What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize