i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
