i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
