Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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