just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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