fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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