its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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