I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
