so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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