I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
